James Sanderson

It has emerged today that Sir John Sawers, an alumnus from The University of Nottingham has been appointed as the new Chief of MI6. Sir John, 53, graduated with a degree in Philosophy and Physics in the summer of 1976 and will be replacing the 5 year-incumbent Oxford graduate, Sir John Scarlett this November.

Sir John’s career has been littered with many prestigious diplomatic postings such as Tony Blair’s foreign policy adviser from 1999-2001, Political Director at the Foreign and Commonwealth Office amongst being the British Government Representative in Baghdad and an Ambassador to Cairo from 2001-2003. David Miliband, Foreign Secretary announced the surprise promotion to the position commonly known within the service as ‘C’, alongside the Prime Minister’s official spokesman. His appointment is a marked change in the normal recruitment process as previously ‘C’ would always be sourced from within the MI6 internal hierarchy.

Sir John began a short career with the intelligence services shortly after receiving his degree from Nottingham, apparently working as a spy in Yemen and Syria during 1977, but he then returned to diplomacy shortly afterward. Being described as a ‘Grade one ambassador’ by a No. 10 insider, Sir John will be facing difficult times with the SIS:

“International terrorism, the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction and the growth of regional conflict and instability mean that there has never been a time when the skills and dedication of our intelligence agencies, including SIS, have been more necessary to our national security and the safety of our people around the world.”
- David Miliband, Foreign Secretary

Sir John is likely to have been headhunted as a result of his prior experience in policy-making with regard to Tehran’s suspected nuclear weapons programme, Afghanistan and the Balkans. And will need to deliver in the same vigour as his predecessor, but Miliband seems confident that he is the right person to address some of the security challenges the UK faces. He Said:

“I welcome the appointment of Sir John Sawers as the new ‘C’. I look forward to working with him on the challenges we face as a country.”

Known to take a hard-line on Iran, it is likely to be an interesting few years for MI6 and foreign policy, but rest-assured that our very own Sir John is one of our best grads. He still holds the school athletic record for the 440 yards Hurdles at Beechen Cliff School in Bath, an accolade which may even prove to be useful in his new post.

There is a whiteboard in the Impact office, on which we write phrases and topics which aren’t allowed due to cliché, general offensiveness, and just plain banality. What tops this list, however, is a phrase which journalists use as often as a doorknob – ‘The Cre*it Cr*nch’. We’re all aware that upon leaving uni the tough graduate job market will hit us like a nasty rash, so why not drop everything and go to work in Australia for a year?

Recently I had the opportunity to meet with some UK nationals on working holiday visas in Australia. One of them came from Enfield, perhaps one of the most deprived boroughs in London. After just five minutes of conversation, it was clear that the life he was leading in Australia, even for a year, was a world away from the near deprivation at his UK home. The benefits of working in Oz only became clearer as my trip progressed – it was as though the Australian job market had remained isolated from other economic difficulties. If you’re missing your local Woolworths, head down under and work in a Woolworths supermarket, the largest retailer in Oz. Alternatively you can enlist the help of an agency to help you settle and find work in most of the major Australian cities. Travellers Contact Point (0061 02 9221 8744; travellers.com.au) can arrange a meet and greet when you arrive, amongst other services such as access to a major employment database, accommodation in Sydney and assistance in opening a bank account – well worth it if you or your parents are having a considerable litter of kittens prior to the excursion.

Perhaps one of the greatest draws of Oz is its compatibility with English culture. You’d be hard pressed to find somewhere where you can ‘fit in’ so quickly without any language barriers. You could even say that the larger cities such as Melbourne, Sydney and Canberra are essentially UK-type cities in summer with the thermostat whacked right up. What defined Australia for me, though, is its laidback attitude to nearly everything.

Imagine working for a few hours in Sydney, and spending the rest of the day surfing on Bondi or finishing up work on a Friday and wasting the weekend along the Great Ocean Road checking out some Aboriginal art at the Brambuk Cultural Centre (brambuk.com.au) and kayaking out to a Seal colony at Apollo Bay (I wouldn’t recommend doing this if you have a dodgy back, though.) See the seals from the relative comfort of a Kayak with Surf and Kayak (apollobaysurfkayak.com.au); prices start from about £29. Something which you should definitely make time for, if you ever find yourself in the Blue Mountains region, is an abseil down these faintly blue mountains, apparently coloured by mie scattering, where UV radiation is scattered by particles in the atmosphere – you can drop down the side of them on a 60m-high abseil. Take advantage of the shockingly winsome views by dangling off the side of a mountain with High and Wild (0061 247 782 6224; high-n-wild.com.au), based in Katoomba.

Travelling in comfort in Australia can be relatively inexpensive – YHA Australia (yha.com.au) have many hostels throughout the country and can cater for the budget-conscious with shared dorms starting at £18 per night. For those wishing to flashpack, comfortable ensuite rooms, such as the ones found at the Sydney Central YHA, start from £55 per night – considerably cheaper than alternative ensuite accommodation in Sydney. Those on a working holiday visa are likely to find YHA Australia hostels to be a ‘treat’, a common theme among the working holiday-makers was that finding private rented accommodation works out to be more economical than even the most grotty hostel.

To be eligible to work in Australia on this specific visa you may have to undertake a form of manual labor for a short period, such as picking fruit or working on a farm. Although initially this sounds unpleasant, the money is good and many on this visa look upon this time as essentially ‘a massive laugh’, making sound friendships which can remain for the whole of your stay.

Of my ten days in Australia, it only took three to convince me that working in Oz was probably one of the best moves I could make if everything went tits-up in the UK, but even if the next year turns out well an offensive tan combined with the ultimate heights of smugness may just be enough stimulation to book that flight.

I was sponsored by Tourism Australia and YHA Australia this Easter as part of a student media press trip.

Last weekend, Florence Boot Hall, the oldest hall of residence on campus, was the scene of a number of deliberate fires. Sources have confirmed that there were no injuries and police are believed to have taken away suspects who are reportedly, residents within the hall.

The first was a small paper fire in a remote corridor at 2am on Saturday night. Pete Sawyer, a 3rd year student in Florence Boot Hall told Impact that ‘the fire was intended to cause significant damage, blocking off the only fire escape and potentially forcing myself and neighbours to break windows to escape.’ The fire however, was too small to cause significant damage and was put down to usual student antics.

Two further fires were started on Sunday lunchtime, lit almost simultaneously, they targeted a small toilet and a larger top floor toilet and shower facility. Unfortunately, damage was extensive, with some describing the top-floor shower and toilet as a ‘blackened wreck.’ Nottingham Hospitality have now locked down the facilities following the completion of police forensics and hope to have them back in use within the week. 24 hour security was also stepped up around the hall.

Sunday evening bought further drama as another fire desecrated a small toilet on the first floor, filling a whole corridor with smoke amid scenes of panic. The fire was extinguished by two students, one of whom told Impact that ‘one fire extinguisher had been tampered with, rendering it useless for the task’. The fire appears to have been started within the toilet roll holder.

Students were said to be outraged when these later fires developed even with the extra security presence. Further controversy has also arisen around Nottingham Hospitality as sources have also told Impact that the largest fire was only spotted when a student went for a shower, and had to activate the fire alarm manually. If that wasn’t embarrassing enough for Nottingham Hospitality, persons close to hall staff have confirmed that the fire panel was misread, causing the fire service to attend to the wrong bathroom.

Evidently it seems that the response to these incidents has been nothing short of a shambles, many students within the hall remain upset with the situation and have had their studies severely affected. Questions will now have to be asked about security and planning for any future incidents of this nature, and there is no doubt that they will be resonating from the charred corridors of Florence Boot.

Shed Simove is an Ideas Man, amongst producing Big Brother, he has become a serial entrepreneur producing ridiculous novelty items, masquerading as a schoolboy for a Channel 4 series and generally destroying the traditional image of an entrepreneur. I had a chat with him…

Do you think that becoming a student entrepreneur is a viable option, considering the current state of graduate recruitment?

Absolutely, it amazes me how the system expects you to emerge from university and like a fairy godmother, boom; you know what to do with the rest of your life. I would encourage entrepreneurialism at every stage; being straight out of university is particularly good, as the negative outlook of long-standing businessmen isn’t an influence. Fresh opportunities are always more apparent to graduates, as a student you can afford to take these risks as your overheads, such as family commitments are small. Life and business is a game and the trick of the game is to realise that everyone is winging it and that once you have a go at it yourself you suddenly adjust, avoid past mistakes and inevitably be successful, as long as you bloody do something.

I’ve heard that you have your own currency ‘the ego’, how’s it holding up at the moment?

It’s thriving. I am always interested by how the economy is actually a confidence trick, this is an experiment within the idea of perception and value, when we all believe the economy is doing well we’ll spend more money which will improve it, if we believe it is doing badly then we’ll spend less money worsening the economy, it’s a frightening cycle. I read about the game second life and how people were trading currency called linden dollars on eBay for real cash and thought I could replicate it. When I was younger in sixth form I saw an image about the great depression, which was a wheelbarrow full of cash with which to buy a loaf of bread- it got me thinking about the changing value of money and how it’s really a con. When you give me a tenner, you are giving me a promise, not truly ten pounds. I looked into the legalities and considering that gift-vouchers were almost a currency anyway, I found myself a printing press in brighton, designed it up with my ethos’s such as ‘tell someone you value them’ and I placed my family’s names within the pattern. One ego sells for at least 93p, which is a better exchange rate than the Euro. My Head and Tails coin [a coin with his face on one side and Shed’s arse on the other] sells for about £8.

What’s your opinion on business coaches, aren’t they all just a bit crap?

[Laughter] I haven’t had much experience but there is definitely value in support, a lot of life is about believing in yourself and about being with people who believe in you. I use this phrase ‘negnet’, a negative magnet. These are the people who you meet and you say Shed, Shed! – I have this great idea, for a new magazine about plastering. If I show even a shred of negative emotion, such as an eyebrow squint or even telling them that it’s a bad idea- that’s being a ‘negnet’ and commiting the most hainus crime. You need to surround yourself with ‘posnets’.

Support is important, but there is no substitute for doing it yourself. In the same light though, I think business mentoring is the way forward, anyone who is mentoring should give some good guidance, and you can filter the shit. Study successful companies and people, copy their systems and behaviour, add your own USP and suddenly you have something great.

What repercussions came of your ‘Back to School’ documentary stunt?

All I can tell you is facts; I lost £200,000 and was never offered another production by any other broadcasters. Doing the documentary undercover and pretending to be a 16 year old for 9 weeks was one of the hardest things that I had ever done. It proved to me that I had the willpower to do anything, so Everest, piece of piss, launching a novelty toy, hard but I can do it. It gave me an almost legendary status, which lead to my appointment as an executive on Big Brother.

When producing Big Brother, did you ever feel exploitative at all?

You could say that they are exploiting us; some of them go on to achieve a really exciting lifestyle and plenty of cash. It opens up a world to them, one that they didn’t have before. Some do it because they crave material wealth and some do it because they want an adventure. We are very careful about who we pick. Many people don’t get into the house because we believe that they can’t mentally handle the process. Generally, we look for people who are robust and will provide an interesting storyline.

@impactnottingham.com

Nicholas Burns is best known for playing Nathan Barley, but has also appeared in The Mighty Boosh, The I.T. Crowd, Nighty Night and a host of theatre productions. He is now starring as the Hotness in ITV’s No Heroics and as Tom in the Neil La Bute play Fat Pig…

When you first devised Nathan Barley, did you ever think it would be such a cult hit?

Well, no, we didn’t really, we didn’t know what kind of impact it would have, but it really has a very devoted, small cult following. I can’t walk around certain areas in London without people shouting Nathan-like idiocy at me, which is quite bizarre at times, but good fun. It is something I am really proud of and really loved doing.

Were you worried at all that you would be typecast as Nathan, do you think he has closed any doors for you?

I don’t think so, he is quite different to a lot of the parts I have played. I don’t think he has but who knows, it’s not really for me to say. I hope I am far enough away from Nathan that people can see there is other stuff going on and that I can play other characters. I hope it hasn’t typecast me – the part I am playing at the moment is very different.

What is your favourite comedy series?

I used to watch Blackadder and The Young Ones when I was growing up, those where my first comedy loves. In recent years I have been a big fan of Chris Morris’s stuff, the Office and the Mighty Boosh. Over in the US things like Curb Your Enthusiasm and Arrested Development.

Are you more comfortable treading the boards or in an Air-Conditioned studio in London?

They are very rarely Air-Conditioned! I love doing both, they are just completely different and offer real variety. Before this play I hadn’t done one in 3 years. It’s nice to be back doing something that I did when I started out.

What attracted you to Neil La Bute’s Fat Pig?

They came to me and asked me about playing the part of Tom. I went to see it and then read the play. It was a great play, a good part and threw up interesting ideas. I thought, lets have a go. It is a real challenge, I haven’t played an American professionally before and Tom never leaves the stage so it really is an exercise in focus. I thought it was the right thing to do at this moment in time.

Barley and Benidorm both seem to take the piss out of idiots, people with websites and working class holidaymakers respectively. Is this a hidden agenda?

I think Barley does take the piss out of those people, but I am not sure that Benidorm does. I don’t think it’s sneery, it just presents a funny situation for a comedy. Barley absolutely definitely did, it was lampooning all those idiots who have websites who do nothing apart from produce videos and graffiti shit. They think they are Banksy or some kind of urban guerrilla. Those are the people who absolutely deserve to have the piss ripped out of them.

What is the easiest way to get on TV?

Be a bit mental and go on the X-Factor. If you are really bad at singing and completely deluded about your ability, they will definitely broadcast your performance.